Happy Friday

We have nothing planned this weekend which is a good thing!  We are going to enjoy each other's company and lay low :-)

I got a call yesterday asking me to interview for a 2nd job next Thursday.  I am excited for this!  I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything will work out and I will get the position!  Please think happy thoughts for me :-)

Positive thoughts

Trying my best these days to have positive thoughts. I posted something on Facebook and now I regret it.  I just wanted to know if anyone knew of an opening for a part time job (in the evenings or weekends) and everyone goes off about how Brian needs to step up and start working.  These comments really upset me. Not only do most of these people have no idea about our sitiation,  these "friends" are judging Brian because WE decided it was best for him to stay home. When we first discussed having children we both decided that it would make more sense for me to work since I make a lot more per hour than he did.  With the price of daycare going up and up it doesn't make sense for him to work JUST to pay for daycare.  I would much rather struggle for a couple of years and have him at home with Bailey. I don't judge other people for choosing daycare for their child, so it really upsets me that people are judging our decisions. Everyone thinks that Brian is lazy, and that could partly be my fault.  I have vented to a couple of people when I was frustrated with his work ethic. I learned my lesson there too. I guess I can't vent to people without it coming back to bite me in the butt. All I want is for Bailey to experience Disneyland before we have another child. I want to see her face light up and see how excited she gets every step of the way.  I am willing to work my butt off for a couple of months if that means we can go. Brian is concerned that I am going to over work myself but honestly it is only for a couple of months and it will TOTALLY be worth it!  I have a couple of applications out for pizza delivery and retail so we will see if anyone calls in the next couple of days.  I am hoping to start ASAP so I can start saving now!

I feel so misunderstood. I wish I was better at expressing my feelings and what I am going thru. I woke up this morning all puffy from crying. Dramatic I know. I have just been having a bad couple of days. I need a big hug from my baby girl but I had to come to work before she was awake.  She will be getting a big hug from me today when I get home.  I can't wait to see her smiling face!

On a brighter note we are hoping to go to Disneyland this October for Bailey's birthday. We will see if financially it is possible but I heard stories of a friend that recently took her family and I can't wait to see Bailey's face light up when she sees Disneyland for the first time!  I hope I can give that to her. I was actually thinking of working a 2nd part time job for a while to make sure that we could afford it.  I will have to look into that a little more.  It would only be for the summer and might be totally worth it!

so difficult

This is going to be a selfish post.  I hate these feelings that I am having.  A couple of months ago I started to find out lots of my friends and family were pregnant.  Now those people are starting to find out what they are having and I can't help but feel envious, jealous that it isn't me. I know that God has a plan for everyone, and there is a reason why I have not been blessed with baby #2 but I still can't help but wonder if I am ever going to be able to have another child. This may sound ultra dramatic but I cry myself to sleep many nights because I hate not knowing. Bailey is such a huge bright spot in my life and I want to experience that again.  I also want Bailey to experience being a big sister.  She would be AMAZING at it! We have been trying for almost 18 months now and still nothing.  Everyone says "don't stress" or "it will happen when it is meant to" or "I know what you are going thru" so I try not to talk about it.  Comments like that make me upset, and hurt. I know I shouldn't stress and I know that it will happen in God's time.  I just hope that God will bless us with another child soon.